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Thursday, July 28, 2011

First Appointment

My first appointment with this new little one is August 23rd.  I remember when I had to wait a few weeks for my first appointment with Eli and I was so impatient and excited, but I'm about the exact opposite with this one. 

Yes, I am excited.  I am also nervous and apprehensive, and I have many horrible baby related anxieties that I am on treatment for at the moment.  I don't like to be on medication while pregnant but I can honestly say it is helping, and my doc (whom I trust very much) was candid with me about the possible side effects on the fetus.  And while I would prefer no side effect I guess I just have to weight risk vs. benefit (as with many things you encounter in life.)

So I sort of went off on a tangent there, I'm sleepy today and my mind feels like mush.  The good thing about not being so impatient this time is that it makes the waiting easier.  That's pretty much all pregnancy is, hurry up and wait for the next appointment, wait for the first kicks, the hiccups, then untimately the birth.  I was beside myself with Eli and I just couldn't wait to have my baby here with me!  I suppose that is what trying for a year and then finally getting pregnant after you had started to give up hope will do to a girl.  This little beluga was quite the surprise and because it is my second and I sort of know what to expect I find myself being able to relax more about it.  Ultimately that is what I would like.  A calm, relaxing pregnancy and birth. 

The birth will be easy (unfortunately) as I won't be allowed to labor (makes me very sad) and will have a scheduled c-section.  Epidural and all, no screaming or trying to push, laboring to bring my baby into the world.  Instead my baby will be surgically removed and I will have to try to figure out how to chase an almost two year old while taking care of an infant and recovering from abdominal surgery.  Deep breath in, hold, deep breath out.

I'm going to start my yoga again, I think it will really help.  I miss my Friday morning yoga, it really did just make me feel great for the rest of the day.  When we moved into our new house I lost my yoga and pilates dvd's and have not been able to find them, it has been driving me up the wall.  Then my husband went to use an old dvd player and my yoga dvd was in there!  It'll be good to stretch all my ligaments and muscles before the baby does it for me, I got such horrible ligament pain with Eli and I'd love to avoid as much of that as possible this time around.

So a question for my non readers - What did you do to prepare for your new baby?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The New Baby Beluga

So this is number two for us, coming a little sooner than we had planned.  I am currently 5 weeks and two days along, and I found out on July 20th, 2011.

This blog is going to be chronicling my journey with the new little monster as I really wish I had done with Eli.  There is so much of my pregnancy with him that I don't remember and I wish I did.  I don't have any belly pictures with him other than when I was going into the hospital for delivery.

They layout of this blog may change along the way, especially when we find out the gender (which I'm sure is boy).  Can't very well have boy themed blog if I've got a little lady on the way.  I'll fall into the stereotypes and I'm completely okay with that.

So today I will talk about the dreams.  I have always had pretty vivid dreams, many I can remember from my childhood, many of them not good.  My dreams tend to go towards the dramatic which is the complete opposite of me in real life.  I have no place for drama, I don't have time for it.  Who knows, maybe my subconscious is trying to make up for the lack of drama in my life by filling my head with it when I sleep.  The dream last night was of a miscarriage.  I gave birth to my tiny baby.  This is not the first time that I've had this dream, either.  I held her tiny little body with her perfect tiny features and I told her how much I loved her and I cried.  I know that in reality my baby right now looks more like a little seahorse than a person, but that doesn't much matter in dreams, and honestly (in my dream world) if that mean that I get to see her face before saying goodbye I am perfectly fine with that.

Of course I have dreams about other stuff as well, not always miscarriage or losing a baby, but they are also very vivid and very real.  Sometimes I look forward to my dreams, they are like tiny movies playing in my head and exercising my brain while I am asleep, and other times I wish I could just turn them off.  The times when I wake up with adrenaline pumping through my veins and feeling my heart beating through my chest, those times I can do without.

I think the exhaustion is starting to hit me, I remember it being horrible in the first trimester.  My schedule now is more crazy than ever: wake up at 5-5:30 AM get ready for work, wake the babe up at 6:00 AM and take him to the sitter.  Drive my hour and a half into work, work from 8-4:30, drive my hour and a half (sometimes two) back home to pick up the babe, home by 6:30-7, dinner, play, bath if needed (for him) and he's in bed by 8:30-9.  I have a chance to get my clothes laid out for work in the morning, straighten the house, and try to get a shower in before I fall into my bed.  I think this schedule is going to be the death of me.

I suppose that is all for now.