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Monday, August 22, 2011

Tomorrow is the big day.

So tomorrow I go in for my first appointment.  I am at 9 weeks today going by LMC, though ovulation may be off by a couple of days.  I am incredibly anxious.  I haven't made the formal announcement yet because to be honest I'm having a hard time "getting" that I'm pregnant.  I know to most people it would be incredibly obvious.  Unless my cycles have moved into the 60 day range, and I'm just randomly sick every day, and any number of other symptoms that pertain to pregnancy, then yes, I'm pregnant.  I know this, it just isn't tangible to me yet.  With Eli there was so much excitement and impatience.  With this one there is only worry.  My eyes have been opened to everything that can go wrong during a pregnancy and I am no longer naive as I once was.  Hopefully some of my fears will abate after I (hopefully) hear a heartbeat tomorrow, but even after that there is still the rest of the 1st trimester, I could always lose in the 2nd trimester, or there could be a cord accident or any number of things to go wrong at full term.  And even after birth there are undiagnosed chd's, or SIDS, or missed illnesses.  I am literally driving myself crazy right now with everything that *might* go wrong that I'm just having an incredibly hard time just enjoying the fact that I am bringing Eli's sibling into this world.

Just trying to tell myself to breathe.  Nothing good will come of all this fear and anxiety.  I am going to make an incredible effort just to enjoy this baby.  And who know, maybe it'll all go out the window when I hear that perfect woosh woosh woosh tomorrow...

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